I have been thinking about writing this for awhile now, but just have not taken the time. Then as I was sitting here this morning drinking my coffee thoughts of you came to mind, so what better time then now.
I think back when I was just a little girl, how strong you were. All those early years taking me to and from the hospital, worrying about me, hoping your baby girl was going to be ok. I have so many memories of being in the hospital back then, you by my side all the time, yet you still had my three brothers to care for also. You had to make medical decisions no mom ever wants to make for their child. How you held it together, amazes me.
By the time I was born you had already had three sons. You were so afraid I was going to be a tomboy, and you were not going to have a little girl act like a boy. You made it clear that I was going to act like a little lady. All my clothes were dresses, even play clothes. I loved dolls, and all things girly. Although you made sure I was your little girl, you also made sure there was never to be any favoritism. I didn't get away with anything, just because I was a girl. Until I was ready to clean house with you, I had to go pull weeds and tend to the garden and yard right along with my brothers. I remember the one morning I told you I was ready to vacuum, because I didn't want to work in the yard, so you let me try. I remember the vacuum was too heavy for me to push, I quickly changed my mind and went out and helped my brothers do yard work.
You had always let me make my own decisions, with your guidance to teach me to accept the consequences when my decisions were wrong.
When any of my brothers or I did anything wrong, you would question each one of us privately; But, we would never tell you who did what. It was a secret pact we had, not to ever tattle on each other no matter the consequences. So in the end, we would all take the punishment.
Remember when I let one of my brothers take apart my doll, because he wanted to see what made it talk? Not only did he get into trouble for taking apart my doll, but I got into trouble for letting him. No favoritism, you were always fair and equal with discipline and punishment.
I think back and just get amazed all you went through raising four children all close to the same age as a single mother, working full time. You gave up a lot to care for all of us. You went without just so we can have our clothes, toys, food, hobbies, and medical. You have always been very unselfish.
You were always very open and honest, and taught us how to respect our elders, to have good manners, and to always treat others with respect and kindness. You taught us early about life and what to expect, and to work hard.
One of my favorite Christmas memories as a little girl was when I asked for a Baby Crissy doll. Christmas morning, the boys would be the first to get up. they would get your coffee ready for you. Then they woke me up and told me they think I got the doll I asked for. As I walked down the steps, the prettiest little bassinet was sitting near the tree, with the prettiest doll I had ever seen. No, she wasn't the Baby Crissy I wanted, she was another Baby doll, much prettier. The boys went to wake you up, and I couldn't wait for you to tell me I can hold my new baby. You always knew the choices you would make would be better for us. You knew me well enough to know I would be happier with the baby you chose. You were right.
As I got older, and started dating. You helped me decide on a curfew, you didn't just choose it for me, you let me choose and we made a compromise, again teaching me how to make wise choices. I remember when I broke up with my first boyfriend and he started stalking me. When he called and you answered the phone, and he told you some personal things about our relationship, as if you didn't know. Even though we hadn't discussed it, you were my mom, you knew all he was telling you. You always knew everything about me. Where I was, what I was doing, who I was hanging out with. I do believe that little bird you told me was watching me at all hours was a very dedicated bird, he did his job well.
I was always afraid to disappoint you. I had a fear in me, that if I ever did anything too terribly wrong, I would lose you, and I wasn't willing to take that chance. I remained that good girl. The little girl you taught, to be honest, to be good, to love all things. I knew I could call you if I were ever to get into trouble, without harsh words from you, you would be there, to help get me through whatever the situation was. You made sure the communication lines were always open between us.
When I was a teenager and I was in the car accident, I can't imagine the feelings that must have been going through your mind, when you got the call, and had to drive for miles and miles to another state, not knowing if I was going to die before you arrived at the hospital. No parent should have to go through that. Not knowing if I was ever going to walk again. You have had your share of worries.
When I met my husband, you were very worried. Our relationship developed quickly. I remember you telling him that he better never disappoint me, never hurt me, or he will have to answer to you. Well Mom, he is a good man, A very good husband. I am so happy you love him the way you do. He loves you very much. The relationship the two of you have is a unique one. I am pleased he hasn't disappointed you. I am pleased with our marriage that you never lost a daughter, you gained a son who admires and respects you.
I have witnessed through my years the strength and determination you have had to provide for our family, raise us to be respectable members of society. Since you have become ill, I know it is difficult for you knowing that you are not as strong as you once were, and are not able to do all the things you once did, but mom, I want you to know you will always be my hero, my safety net, my best friend. You continually amaze me each and everyday with all you go through.
Thank you for all the things you have taught me. I can't even begin to name all the lessons you have taught, good and bad, right from wrong. How to love, how to be a good wife. My love for animals, nature, humanity. All of that came from the lessons you instilled in me as a child.
I am still that girly girl you raised. I love pink. I love dolls and all things girly. You did well.
I know you still worry about me. Please know, I am ok. I have a wonderful husband that will always keep his promise to you and take good care of me.
I love you mom. You are my world. You will always be my supermom. I can't imagine my life without you in it. Thank you for being who you are, thank you for being my mom.